Wedding Frequently Asked Questions
How do we ask our parents to pay or contribute to the cost of our wedding?
Discussing money can be uncomfortable. Many couples assume that if their parents haven’t offered, they are unable. Should you decide to ask your parents, each should approach their parents privately (without their betrothed). Please, no e-mail requests!! Let them know you are laying the foundation for your wedding and before you can move forward with the planning, you wanted to know if they were going to consider contributing.
Be sure to do some research first and be informed to give them a break down of wedding expenses. If mom and dad haven’t been involved in budgeting a wedding since they got married, they will have no idea of what to expect.
If they are willing to assist with a portion, perhaps pay for the flowers, you will need to know the dollar amount they are willing to contribute. If your parents are willing to pay for your entire wedding…rejoice!!
As always, be thankful for their contribution, whatever the size. If they are unable to contribute, perhaps they can help in other ways such as gathering information, addressing invitations, making favors, etc.
My husband and I are contributing a substantial amount of money for our daughter’s wedding. Shouldn’t we have some input?
There is a saying, “Those that pay have their say.” I have had couples that did not want assistance from their parents because they didn’t want to be controlled by it. The mother of one of my brides made every decision for the wedding right down to the font style and ink color for the invitations. The bride felt like it was her mom’s wedding and not hers. Of course, mothers (and some fathers) do get excited and have plenty of ideas. Share your thoughts with your daughter; she’ll probably be excited to hear them.
Ask yourself if you are contributing to have leverage in making decisions or because you want to bless your daughter and her fiancée. Let your contribution be a gift given with no strings attached and let her make the final decisions about the details.
My parents are paying for our wedding, should they be allowed to invite more guests than my fiancée’s parents?
It is customary for the paying parents (bride’s or groom’s) to invite more guests if they so desire.
My fiancée and I are paying for our entire wedding but my parents want to invite all of their friends. What do we do?
It’s always best to address unresolved situations immediately. If your budget becomes strained because of the additional guests, explain that to them. It is reasonable to ask your parents to pay for their added guests. If not, then explain to your parents that you would prefer they invite friends whom you know. However, if your reception venue can’t accommodate a larger number of guests, then your total number of guests will have to stay at a lesser number.
HELP!! We have so many people on our guest list, how can we cut back?
Cutting down the guest list is always hard. In most cases, it’s not that the couple doesn’t want to invite everyone, it’s usually budgeting or their venue is unable to accommodate the higher guest count. When you’ve compiled your list and it’s time to edit consider:
Family – closet family members will be invited, distant relatives would be considered if the budget allows and space permits. If you haven’t seen that relative in years and they probably wouldn’t recognize you if you stood right next to them, then you may not want to invite them.
Friends – your closet circle of friends on the “A” list (we all know what that is) would definitely be there. But if you haven’t talked to that college roommate since college graduation (and it’s been 5 years) then you should omit them. People change and relationships change.
Co-workers – invite your immediate supervisor or boss (and their spouse). For the rest of the co-workers, unless you socialize with them outside of a work environment or have a tight working relationship with them, it is perfectly acceptable to omit them from your list.
Guest’s guest – husbands and wives of invited guests would always be invited, as would engaged couples or those in long-term relationships. However, don’t feel obligated to include one’s casual boyfriend or girlfriend.
Children – other than the flower girl and ring bearer, don’t feel like you must invite children. Many couples prefer to have an adult reception giving parents an enjoyable evening out. Choose a cut off age, perhaps 16 and stick to it. Please note that it is inappropriate to put “Adult Reception” or “No Children” on your invitation (even if you see actual examples in the invitation books). Parents should realize that if the child’s name is not on the invitation, the child is not invited.
If I had all of my friends in my wedding party it would just be too large. How can I handle this without hurting anyone’s feelings?
There are many important tasks to undertake during the course of the wedding day. Consider asking them to take part by:
Ushering (ushering isn’t for men only)
Greeting and welcoming guests (everyone likes a warm friendly smile)
Handing out programs
Reading during the ceremony
Pulling your aisle runner (doesn’t have to be done by the ushers)
Being your personal assistant
Asking a friend to do any of the above will reassure that special place they have in your heart and make them feel very much a part of your wedding day.
I saw a beautiful church building in the city; can I get married there?
You will need to call the church. All churches have different guidelines. Some historic churches will allow you to rent the building for a set block of time and you may be able to have your own pastor officiate. At other churches, you must be a member or a regular attendee in good standing.
What is an appropriate amount for the officiant’s honorarium?
The officiant plays the most important part in the wedding…without that person, there would be no wedding. If you were to hire an officiant (and yes, many brides who are not members of a local church hire ministers), the fee could range from $375 to over $700 for a ceremony that lasts from 15 to 30 minutes. If you are being married in your local church and your pastor or minister is performing your ceremony, be generous. The best man would give the envelope containing the honorarium to the officiant. If you are writing a check, the check would be made out to the officiant – not to the church – as it is a personal gift. Also, it is customary to invite your pastor and their spouse to your reception.