Capture Child's Heart 3

The Heart Of Discipline
How To Capture Your Child’s Heart, Part 3

We cannot introduce our children’s hearts to the heart of God, if we, as parents, are still holding back portions of our hearts from our Heavenly Father! We can’t expect our kids to be honest about heart issues, if we reserve the right to “protect ourselves,” seldom allowing our hearts to be transparent, seldom admitting when we are wrong, or seldom outwardly repenting and asking forgiveness! How sad it is when we become pros at playing the “Good Little Christian” game in public, saving the ugly attitudes and harsh words for our family! Yet we are shocked when our children either 1) learn to play the game better than we do (becoming Pharisees with hearts of stone) or 2) totally rebel because they REFUSE to play the game (refuse to be hypocrites).

Well, thank God, there is a third option for all of us! However, we must be brutally honest with ourselves and disarmingly transparent with our children and others in the family of God. We’ve got to drop the “Good Little Christian” image or the “Perfect Ministry Family” façade and GET REAL!!

We’ve got to love each other enough to confess our faults one to another (James 5:16) and covenant with one another to keep heart issues in the forefront…to continually cry out to the Lord, “Change me, God!!” We must make no excuses and allow no compromises. The deepest cry of our heart must be, “Dear Lord, I will accept nothing less than seeing my entire family loving and serving you with all our hearts! I am willing to do whatever it takes to see that happen!”

In response, our Lord promises “…that he who began a good work in you (your children, your family) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6).

I would like to share eight practical keys for capturing and keeping your child’s heart. Maybe these suggestions will spark some of your own ideas for igniting true family discipleship within your home:

1. Be real with yourself.
Are you still trying to break free from religious ways that you were taught? Do you find yourself relying upon your own strength to live the Christian life? Our children are very good at modeling the traits that we don’t want them to imitate!

Galatians 3:3 is a verse that I must always keep before my eyes: “Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?” When you catch yourself striving with human effort, ask Jesus to forgive you and to give you a revelation of the freedom and righteousness He has already purchased for you; then begin to focus on your love relationship with Him!

2. Practice humble, heart-exposing prayer with your family.
Daily remind yourself and your family that none of you can keep the commandments on your own strength. Make sure everyone in your family has had a genuine salvation experience – that they have repented of their sin and have been born again by the Spirit (that they did not just “pray a prayer”). Then, consistently pray together and thank the Holy Spirit for His power in your lives. He says, “You can’t, but I can!!” (John 15:5-8)

3. Watch actions to determine what is in the heart. However, to facilitate change, focus on attitudes and heart motives, not on actions.
Remember, actions are the abundance of what is in the heart. If the heart is changed, the actions will follow.

4. When you blow it, repent and ask your children’s forgiveness.
HUMILITY CAPTURES HEARTS!!!

5. Walk and talk the Word with your children all through your day.
(not just at church or in family devotions) – Our conversations should be overflowing with what God says!

6. Help your children to understand righteousness.
Your children need to understand that their righteousness, worth, and value is not based upon their actions, works, or behavior, but upon their trust in Jesus’ sacrifice. At the same time, they must understand that their actions, works, and behavior do reveal how much they are trusting (or not trusting) in Jesus’ completed work on Calvary.

Do not use bribes, ultimatums, or rejection to “make” them obey. When they behave well, boast of the power of God working in them. “It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God – that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: ‘Let him who boasts boast in the Lord’” (1 Corinthians 1:30-31). Your goal is to teach them that pleasing God is the greatest reward of all…and that when they please God, other rewards will come, both in this world and in the next.

When the children misbehave, get up alongside them and help them to identify the wrong thinking and attitudes that prompted their wrong behavior. (They simply believed something other than what God says.) Then show them what God says in His Word, and help them to see the erroneous thinking as their enemy. Do not focus on their wrong actions (their behavior will change when their thinking is corrected). Again, boast in the power of God working in them to change them and make them more like Jesus (Philippians 1:6).

7. Establish proper priorities.
Spend your time, energy, conversations, and attention focusing on heart issues (character building, attitude adjustment, Word and wisdom application) rather than on surface issues (outward appearance, actions, behavior, and works). At all times, make sure your child knows that he is greatly loved by you and by God, so he can learn to love God more. While praying with your child, verbally give God thanks, praise, and appreciation for her, expressing what a blessing she is in your life.

8. Set an example.
Don’t be a hypocrite. Love and serve Jesus in the presence of your family just as faithfully (or more so) as elsewhere. Let your kids see you praying for people instead of being critical or judgmental. Look at others through Jesus’ eyes, and let your children see the compassion you have for the lost. They will learn to imitate you in that compassion.

David was a man “after God’s own heart.” In 1 Chronicles 28:9, we see a charge he gave to his son Solomon, which is the deep desire all parents have for their own children: “And you, my son…acknowledge the God of your father, and serve Him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you…”

Digging deep to reach your child’s heart is seldom easy or convenient. But, in the words of H. Clay Trumbull, “Nothing that is worth doing in this world is an easy matter. It takes time and calls for courage, high resolve, self-denial, and faith. Whatever is really worth doing is worth all that its doing costs – and more.”

Article by Karen Jahn, wife to Ed, mom to Sarah-Beth & Joshua, and editor for Dr. Thompson.