Capture Child's Heart 2

Are You Raising A Pharisee?
How To Capture Your Child’s Heart, Part 2

How do parents know if they have their child’s heart, rather than just temporary, outward compliance? To gain some insight, let’s contrast the religious, pharisaical way of dealing with people versus Jesus’ emphasis on heart issues:

1. How important is “image” to your child?
Image was paramount to a Pharisee. – Jesus said, “Everything they do is done for men to see…they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; they love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have men call them 'Rabbi'” (Matthew 23:5-7). What might a parent say to a child along these lines? Perhaps something like, “Now Susie, you be good in church today so you don’t embarrass Mommy.” In contrast, Jesus said, “Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them…your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you” (Matthew 6: 1-4). Should Susie behave in church? Yes…but her motive for doing so is what is important.

2. Religion focuses on outward appearance.
Parents, do you or your children insist upon having the latest designer fashions or the newest high-tech devices? If so, what are we communicating to our kids? That their reputation is based on what they wear on the outside instead of the character of their heart?! Now of course, we are to represent the Father well in our appearance; but consider the words of 1 Samuel 16:7: “The Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance…The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’” Jesus also had something to say about focusing too much on outward appearance and too little on character: “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence…You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean” (Matthew 23:25-27).

3. Righteousness based on empty works.
“…on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness” (Matthew 23:28). Do your conversations with your children focus on outward obedience alone? There is great danger in believing that you or your children are just fine as long as you all “prayed the prayer,” read the Bible, and attend church (all of the outer trappings of righteousness). Are these things necessary to true believers? Of course! But parents must continually be searching their children’s hearts to discern the motives behind each action. Ask yourself, “Are they willing as well as obedient?” (Isaiah 1:19) If not, don’t make the mistake of just settling for obedience alone. You must teach them how to monitor and guard their hearts!

4. When it comes to reaching out to sinners, what message do you send to your children?
Are you sanctimonious, critical, or judgmental of the lost? Do your actions say, “Us four and no more…let others die and be eternally lost, as long as our family is doing OK”? We would never say these words verbally, but many Christians say these words with their lifestyles. Motivated by pride, fear, and apathy, the religious see the lost as disgusting, evil influences to be avoided instead of hurting hearts who need Jesus.

Jesus saw the behavior of sinners (John 8:3-11; Matthew 9:10-13). He didn’t condone their sin, but He saw beyond their sinful behavior to what they could become, once they repented and accepted His forgiveness and grace. Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick…for I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners…If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone.” Does your child’s heart carry God’s heart concerning sinners?

5. Misplaced priorities – Are the principles of God’s Word an ongoing topic of discussion in your home? Or do the temporal matters of this world squeeze eternal matters out?
Colossians 3:1-3 says, “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”

We need to make certain that ample energy, finances, focus, and attention are spent on the spiritual needs of our children as well as their physical needs. Jesus reproved the religious leaders for their misplaced priorities when He said, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices – mint, dill, and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law – justice, mercy, and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel” (Matthew 23:23-24).

Even when focusing on spiritual matters, we must be sure that we are spending more time teaching our children wisdom (Scripture application and character training) rather than knowledge alone. Luke 2:52 says, “And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is known by God” (1 Corinthians 8:1-3). Having our children know God, love God, and be known by God is our highest priority!

6. Are you teaching your child how to love God or how to be religious?
Again, Jesus cut to the heart of the matter when he said, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are” (Matthew 23:15). These are strong words, but as parents, we must follow Jesus’ example and show our children how to have changed and tender hearts toward God.

Ezekiel 11:19-20 says, “I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful (able) to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God” (also see Hebrews 8:10). As Paul beseeched us, so we parents must continually beseech our children, “Show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts” (2 Corinthians 3:3).

As you can see, if your instruction to your children focuses mainly on outward issues, you may be training your children to be religious without ever producing an inward change. However, if you want your children to LOVE JESUS, your instruction to them will focus on obedience and change from the heart.

Read Part 3 of this article.

Article by Karen Jahn, wife to Ed, mom to Sarah-Beth & Joshua, and editor for Dr. Thompson.