DEAR YVETTE
Q: How can I teach my children to honor their father?
A:
The Bible teaches us that the blessing comes through honor.
I am sure that you
all have come to the realization that kids learn by example and not by just being told what to
do. Their walk with God will
largely depend on your walk with God. The way they honor will depend on how you honor. If you don’t
respect your husband, your children will neither respect nor honor their
father. Honor is one of the most important things that you could
ever lead by example, because so many other lessons are taught from this
standpoint. As a mom, you have the main responsibility in teaching your
children honor, especially towards your husband. Never let your relationship
with your husband get so familiar that you loose respect for him. Once you
loose respect for the head of your household any honor that you would want your
kids to have for him will be lost.
Some of the most common ways to teach your children to honor
start with answering their questions correctly. When they ask, “Momma, why does daddy always have to go to
work?” Your response will reveal how you truly respect him in your heart and
what their attitude will be toward him. When my kids asked me that question I
would respond with, “Because he loves you enough to work so that all of your
needs will be met.” I didn’t take the opportunity to complain about how much he
works and is never home to help me out around the house or whatever else I
might be frustrated about. I responded with honor and told them how much he
must love them because he was working instead of doing what he loved most,
which was being with them. Now, let me clarify something, I haven’t always
responded correctly but when I was wrong, I would apologize to my kids and let
them know that I loved their father and was out of line. We are not perfect and we need to teach our
children how to repent when we are wrong, not just when they are wrong.
One of the ways that I taught my kids to honor their father was
how to treat him when he comes home.
We all race to the door (me included) to see who can get to Mike the fastest.
Whoever gets there first receives the biggest hugs and kisses. He loves it, I
love it and the kids adore it. It makes us all stop what we are doing to focus
on him. Who wouldn’t love that?
Another way that I honor Mike in our home is to keep my schedule
as flexible as possible. I plan our free time around his free time. I work real hard at being done with homeschool before he
gets home, and the kids are off when he is off. We work our family time around
him. There have been times that Mike would have a hospital visit on his day
off, so we would all go with him and wait until he was done, and then we would
go get ice cream and finish our family day. It is really important not to make an issue
out of non-issues and make the best out of any situation.
I have also taught them that Mike’s voice is final authority. If he changes our plans, then our plans our changed without
griping or complaining. Honor is a big issue with both Mike and I, both
sets of our parents taught us to honor so it is quite natural for us and
therefore, became natural for us to teach our children. If it wasn’t that way
for you growing up, I strongly suggest doing a word study on the subject so you
can get the importance of it into your heart. Once you have done so it will
become much easier to pass down to your children.
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Food for Thought: By Yvette
Ephesians 6:1-3 tells
us as children to obey our parents because this is right, but it also teaches
that obedience
must turn into honor. If you desire for your kids to live a long
life with the blessing, then as you teach your children to obey you must also
show them how to honor. The biggest disservice you can do to your children is to
undermine your husband’s authority in your home. I often tell
my older boys that the right kind of girl to marry is the one who honors her
father and mother because if she honors them she will honor you. I want to end
with this statement……If you honor your husband with a loving attitude your
children will follow your example.
Q:
Dear
Yvette, how can I possibly keep the romance
alive during the preschool years
and beyond?
A: Get real creative with the time you can squeeze in.
Since Valentine’s Day is coming up, I
thought this would be a great time to answer this question. I remember when the
kids were small and to just get time alone with Mike, much less enough time for
a romantic experience, was very difficult. Mike and I realized we had two
choices, one we could wait to have sex until the kids were old enough to watch
themselves for awhile or get real creative with the time that we could squeeze
in. I bet you guessed which choice we agreed upon! I mean, I do have 5 kids.
Well, once we made our choice, I realized that I had to make it happen. I
didn’t want Mike always getting the Yvette that had already gotten all the energy
squeezed out of her by the time we could get alone. I wanted him to get the
Yvette that he fell in love with and thought about throughout his day, as much
as possible. So, I began to invite him home for lunch when the baby was
sleeping. I could always put on a
video for the older kids and keep them occupied just long enough for me to keep
things spicy. I also realized that romance didn’t have to be a long drawn out
experience all the time. It is something that we could begin and keep alive
throughout our day. Then when we were able to have the time together we were
already warmed up.
If you are a working mom, you have a whole
set of different circumstances, but the rules are the same, you have to get
creative. For example, who cares if the kids have a snack or even dessert
before dinner, on occasion. If this creates an opportunity for you and your
spouse before you are too exhausted, then let them eat! Besides it will create
something fun and out of the ordinary for the kids. There is a lot said for
spontaneity keeping the fires burning. After the kids are in bed, don’t use up
all of your time cleaning, doing the laundry and getting all the stuff done
before you have intimate time with one another. Enjoy each other before you
don’t have anything else left to give because you spent all your energy doing
the things that are always going to be there. Remember why you got married,
don’t let it get lost in the laundry basket.
Lastly, I want to encourage
about dating. It doesn’t have to cost a lot to have reconnect time, it just
takes time. Get a baby sitter once a week or once every other week, if you can.
Take the time and money to invest in one another. Mike and I will often go and
get coffee or hot chocolate, it doesn’t cost a lot but it sure does a lot for
our marriage. We can actually have uninterrupted conversation, which for us is
priceless. We also got babysitters that were willing to take the kids out or to
their house so that we can stay in. Those are the times that we took time to create
a romantic atmosphere because we were not thinking about what the kids were
doing or if they were going to be knocking on the door at any minute. You might
think it’s harder when the kids are small but when the kids are bigger,
although they can occupy themselves, they know what your doing. So the trick
here is to be creative in not letting them know when you are doing what they
know you are doing even when you are doing it. Once again, I hope these few
little tips can help you enjoy your kids, and your spouse, through each stage
of their life
.
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Food for Thought: By Yvette
You probably don’t think I have a scripture for
this subject, but, of course, I do. Proverbs 31:17 says, “She draws her
strength and reveals that her arms are strong.” That means that she is
never without strength for any of her tasks. Not that your husband should be in
the category of tasks but we all know that when we use up all of our energy
before we have time with our spouses, it can feel like a task. It is our job not
to let this happen. We must learn to structure our day in such a way that we
still have energy, excitement and most of all desire for our spouses in order
to keep the romance alive: whether it be in thought or action.
Q: Dear Yvette, how can I
possibly enjoy potty training?
A: I try to remember to laugh
through the trying times or troubles.
Everything is better when you laugh. I remember when one of my kids was
potty training and through the exasperation of it all, I heard him yelling for
me one day from the bathroom, “Mom come look, I just made a dinosaur!” I knew
we had just accomplished the dreaded training cycle. Victory!!! I still laugh
about that story today.
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Food for Thought: By Yvette
Being
a mother and a grandmother is a life work. Ladies, we are in this for the long
haul. I love Eccl. 5:18-20. These verses encourage me that God keeps me filled
with JOY! Now I have to take the time to meditate on the word but if I do my
part God is faithful to do His. I encourage you to take some time and write up
some confession cards on the things you might be struggling with. Don’t
overwhelm yourself. One scripture that is right to the point will be more
powerful than 5 that you can’t remember. Meditation means to know, and
understand until it becomes a part of you, that is where the change takes
place.
Q: Dear Yvette, how do I keep from "losing it" when my
preschoolers are continually making a mess or breaking things?
A: I try to remember what true value is.
My house is filled with nice things, but my children are my real
treasure. Everything will go much smoother when you have your priorities right.
Now that I’ve said that, I don’t want you to think it gives you an
excuse to have a free for all. Teach your children when they are small about
what they can and cannot touch it will help keep breakage to a minimum. Just
remember accidents do happen and we are all susceptible to them. I chose not to
hide all my valuables when my kids were small because I wanted them to learn
how to handle things as well as to learn what was on and off limits. I did
choose to pack away certain items that were irreplaceable.
Now let’s address the messes. Kids are kids and they love to make
messes, but it is our responsibility to teach them how to clean up after
themselves. They are not going to do things perfectly the first time but
practice does make perfect. Don’t
under estimate your children they are capable of understanding and performing a
lot more than you think. I remember when one of my children was about a year old
and they loved to throw things out, so I capitalized on it and gave them the responsibility
of throwing things out. I still can’t
find a pair of glasses I had, at the time, of course we assumed they got “thrown out”.
I have consistently given my children age appropriate responsibilities
around the house and the younger children were always more excited about their
chores than the older ones. I think it made them feel like they were “big”
boys or girls.
Now I want to end with the best advice I could give you. When your
kids are little, make cleaning up a game. There was a show that my kids liked to
watch when they were little and at one point in the show the character would
look around and notice the mess she had made. All of a sudden she would yell, “ten second tidy.” Then she would go into fast motion
and clean up the entire area. I used this consistently and the kids had so much
fun learning to clean up.
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Food for Thought: By Yvette
How is a woman able to do
this and maintain a good composure? Smile and keep a good confession. Proverbs
31:26 was and is a lifesaver for me. Whenever I felt myself “losing it” I would confess, 'I open my mouth with wisdom; and kindness
is on my tongue.' It allowed me enough time to think before I spoke. Ladies, it
is our responsibility to make our home a place of heaven on earth for our
family. Our tone and temperament can make or break our children. We want to
create a home that our children want to come back to and would want to bring
their own children as well. We can have it all, a clean home, disciplined
children, and a peaceful atmosphere if we keep our priorities straight.
Written by Yvette Kell, wife of
Mike Kell, an assistant pastor at Family Harvest Church in Tinley Park. Yvette
is the mother of David, Briana, Robert, Tessa and Ian.